


Kick The Can

by VeryBoredAnon



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:47:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24817084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeryBoredAnon/pseuds/VeryBoredAnon
Summary: Milluki's 'it' for a game of Kick The Can.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Kick The Can

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by the Kick The Can chapters of "The Daily Lives Of High School Boys).

During a warm afternoon in the forests around Mt Kukuroo, three Zoldyck brothers gathered in a clearing.

"We are gathered here today," said Illumi, "to prove whether Milluki still has the right to be called a Zoldyck assassin."

"Illu-nii, I could've proven that in my bedroom," replied Milluki. He stood slouched and was sweating profusely, like melting ice cream. "Kalluto, c'mon. Share your fan with me."

Kalluto, who stood at Milluki's left, was waving a paper fan in his right hand. He raised that hand a bit higher and waved a little more powerfully, letting his older brother have some cool air too.

"A Zoldyck assassin has characteristics other than a lack of value for another's life," Illumi told Milluki, "and today, we shall see if you have those characteristics with a game of Kick The Can. You shall be 'it', Milluki."

Milluki furrowed his brow. "Kick The...? Okay, I guess..."

"Kalluto, please take out the 'can'."

Kalluto nodded. He folded his fan ("No...!" Milluki moaned) and tucked it inside his sleeve. From that same sleeve, he pulled out an anime figurine.

Milluki's eyes bugged out. "That's my Sailor Moon glass-blown figurine!" he spoke rapidly, shrilly. "There's only one of this and I had to kill the original owner to get it!"

"So, you'll want to protect this with your life, won't you, Milluki?" said Illumi, a small grin appearing on his blank-eyed face.

"Illu-nii, you can't be serious!" Milluki cried desperately. "Kalluto?!" He turned to the ground, but his little brother had disappeared. The figurine had taken his place. When Milluki faced forward, Illumi was also gone. "Oh, no..."

Leaves shuddered. So did Milluki. A figure stepped out of the trees. It was Silva, the Zoldyck father. Milluki hurried to him.

"Papa!" he called out. "Have you seen Illu-nii and Kalluto?!"

"No, I have not," replied Silva, before removing three yellow pins from the side of his face and transforming into Illumi, " _seen him!_ "

Milluki gasped, and then sputtered when Illumi socked him in the face. The impact of the hit made Milluki see that behind him, Kalluto was making a dash for the figurine.

"No!" Milluki exclaimed. He grabbed Illumi's outstretched arm and flung his older brother at his youngest brother.

Kalluto balked. He jumped back into the the bushes to let Illumi crash behind the trees. Milluki stared at his brothers' hiding places, expecting them to come out again. When they did not, Milluki lumbered towards his figurine. He reached out to it, ready to scoop it up. That would break the rules of Kick The Can and he would automatically lose, but Milluki did not care. This figurine was more important than whether he had 'characteristics other than a lack of value for another's life'.

A sharp _ding!_ sounded. Milluki dropped to his knees, dodging the projectile that was now embedded in the ground next to him. That projectile was a gold coin.

_Gotoh._

Milluki stood up. He looked above the trees, at Mt Kukuroo, which was kilometres away. On the gigantic mound of earth, there was tuxedo-colored speck somewhere below the middle. The speck sparkled and the _ding!_ sounded again. Milluki leaned to the side, narrowly avoiding a second gold coin. While keeping an eye on Gotoh, Milluki stepped closer to his figurine. A third gold coin came his way, forcing Milluki to rescind his step.

"He won't let me progress, eh?" Milluki mumbled to himself. "In that case..."

He dove into the trees that were nearer to the mountain, careful not shake any branches and reveal his position. He crawled until he was directly in line with his figurine. Then, he slowly stood up.

"Okay," said Milluki, his eyes narrowed on the figurine. He dusted off his pants and pushed his sweaty bangs out of his eyes. "Leap far, catch Sailor Moon, curl up, and lose the game!" After reviewing his plan, he lunged toward his figurine.

About half of his body escaped the trees before he fell face-first. Milluki realized, as he spat out dirt, that he was sliding backwards, and someone was chuckling behind him. When he turned around, he saw a pink cord connecting his left shoe to Hisoka.

"Now, now. Games are to be played with intention to win, not lose ♥," said the latter with a cheeky smile.

"AAAAAAGH!" Milluki shrieked. "It's Illu-nii's partner in a give-and-take relationship!"

"I'm his friend❣"

Milluki heard leaves rustling in front of him. He turned around again and saw a guy wearing a mink-collared leather trench coat casually walking through the clearing with his hands in his pockets.

"Who the hell is that?!" Milluki's tone was a mix of confusion and exasperation.

"Chrollo ♠," answered Hisoka. "He's playing too ♣."

"Don't touch Sailor Moon!" Milluki roared, kicking off his shoe to free himself from Hisoka. He leapt into the clearing, as he planned. However, unlike his plan, he curled up _near_ the figurine, not around it, at the very moment Chrollo prepared to throw a kick.

"Whoopsie-daisy," Chrollo said remorselessly, after his foot sent Milluki flying to the other side of the clearing. He stretched his leg back, preparing another kick.

"Whoopsie-daisy _this_ , loser!" Milluki growled before throwing something at Chrollo.

Chrollo did not immediately dodge since it was just dirt, leaves and twigs coming to him. However, there was a coin among those dirt, leaves and twigs, and it hit him square in the reversed cross tattoo on his forehead. The unexpectedness of the coin stunned Chrollo momentarily.

"Alright..." Milluki started dragging himself to his figurine. "Almost there..." A pair of legs stepped in his way, belonging to Silva. "Papa... Could you please move aside...? Or help me get my fig--"

Again, Silva yanked three pins out of his face and turned into Illumi, who then swiftly lifted Milluki by the collar.

"How could you fall for the same trick _twice?_ " Illumi questioned tonelessly, violently shaking his brother as he did. "What happened to that big brain you constantly boasted about having?"

"For... Forgive me, Illu-nii," Milluki pleaded before crying frantically, "Kalluto, _no!_ "

Kalluto was behind Illumi, staring right at Milluki as he manipulated thousands of pieces of paper with his fan into forming one gigantic foot beside the Sailor Moon figurine.

"Is _that_ really necessary?" Chrollo asked, regarding the paper foot.

"Do not disturb Kalluto-sama, honored guest," replied Gotoh.

" _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_ " Milluki wailed when Kalluto swung his fan, causing the foot to swing too and utterly shatter the figurine.

"Look at them go ◆!" Hisoka remarked about the sand-like figurine shards being carried away by a breeze.

Illumi released Milluki. The latter hit the ground like a huge, miserable, sobbing sack of potatoes.

"My glass-blown...only one in existence...Sailor Moon figurine...!" Milluki mumbled between hiccups. " _Gone!_ Why, Illu-nii?!"

" _Why?_ " Illumi questioned back. He walked to the other players of Kick The Can and turned to Milluki. "To prove whether you deserved the title of 'Zoldyck assassin'. Did you forget? Anyway, you passed. Congratulations."

Everyone in the clearing started clapping for Milluki, who was still a huge, miserable, sobbing sack of potatoes.

"You have proven," said Illumi, "that your reflex speed is satisfactory, you can formulate reasonable strategies spontaneously, and you're tough enough to handle a kick that breaks boulders."

"That's an overstatement, Illumi," said Chrollo. "I only kicked hard enough to split an old tree."

"Just take the compliment, Chrollo. And take out your Cloth."

One moment later, Kalluto placed a glass Sailor Moon figurine in front of Milluki. The latter instantly clasped the figurine in his meaty hands and raised it towards the sun like a deity.

" _How?!_ " asked Milluki.

"Because what we broke was actually a Nen copy, not the original," Chrollo explained.

Milluki hugged the figurine tightly. "Thank you! _Thank you!_ "

Chrollo gave a thumbs-up. "You're welcome," he said while getting dragged away by Hisoka.

"We're heading to Heavens Arena now ♠!" said Hisoka. "See you later, Illumi ♥!"

"Goodbye, Illumi!" Chrollo yelled, because he was behind the trees now. "Kalluto, I'll text you about the next Spiders' meeting!"

The Zoldyck brothers (plus their butler) silently waved farewell to their guests.

"Illu-nii?"

"Yes, Milluki?"

"Please don't ever trick me like that again."

"No promises."

**Author's Note:**

> Actually, I meant for this to be a Vento Aureo fic, where Narancia would be tricked twice by Abbacchio. I also considered this being a Hero Academia fic, so Toga can trick Twice twice.


End file.
